Thorny Thursday - Who Walks me Down the Aisle?

Sally (name has been changed to protect the frustrated!) approached me the other day with this very common dilemma. And, by common what I mean is that this is a problem that A LOT of bride's today are facing. 

 

You see, Sally's parents divorced when she was young. She was 9 at the time of their divorce. Sally's mom re-married when Sally was 12 and Sally's step-father has fulfilled the role of parental guardian since the time that he came into her life. 

Now, on to Sally's problem. Sally said that her biological father wanted to walk her down the aisle. Sally also said that her mother is supporting her father and has said that she agrees with it. So far, so good, right? 

But, how does Sally feel?  

Sally would like to be walked down the aisle by her step-father. She feels that he has provided her with guidance, love, protection, and has acted as her father more than her biological father has.  

Now, please, if you are a "biological" father, please do not take the term as demeaning. It is not. In society today, blended families are commonplace and each person in a family takes on their "role," hence terms such as "step-father" "biological father" All of these terms serve to help us make clear our connections to each other. Our new definitions of how we are forming our ties, our connections to our family. No  specific title is any more important than any other title. It is not better to be the step, than the biological or vice versa. Each family has its own dynamics. My job, is to respect them all and to honor that  in our celebration of this milestone, this celebration of your daughter's marriage.  

We are not trying to separate anyone, rather, we are trying to find a way to include everyone. 

My answer to Sally's dilemma? It's easy once you think about it. Sally's biological father walks her down the first half of the aisle, he then allows her step-father to finish walking with her to the altar, where her step-father will allow her new husband to begin his journey at her side. 

See, easy!! And, still honors and respects each man's impact on Sally's life.  

Until next time......

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